I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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