nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
