i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
