Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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