You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
