thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
