yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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