I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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