Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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