If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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