I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
