I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
