I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
