Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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