i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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