really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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