Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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