Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize