if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
