oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
