If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
