I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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