The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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