he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just pee around me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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