marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.