I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
