Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

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  (778): i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea? http://tfl.nu/q7z7
  Replies (44) Good night (3939) Bad night (880)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

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  (706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze. http://tfl.nu/gtjj
  Replies (9) Good night (5387) Bad night (1118)
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  (516): View more from New York

  See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil

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  (516): See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil http://tfl.nu/4t0w
  Replies (14) Good night (741) Bad night (4137)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.

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  (513): constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time. http://tfl.nu/n1tc
  Replies (3) Good night (1713) Bad night (785)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

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  (757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha
  Replies (11) Good night (2742) Bad night (814)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.

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  (606): Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick. http://tfl.nu/0x12
  Replies (8) Good night (753) Bad night (2306)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore

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  (313): its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore http://tfl.nu/d5rl
  Replies (5) Good night (722) Bad night (1794)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

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  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
  Replies (6) Good night (778) Bad night (1076)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"

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  (262): In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it" http://tfl.nu/19mj
  Replies (6) Good night (702) Bad night (1724)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.

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  (801): When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw. http://tfl.nu/4mnb
  Replies (9) Good night (1209) Bad night (526)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?

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  (503): Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to? http://tfl.nu/5ylh
  Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (417)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Use "feeling words"

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Yay

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  (317): Use "feeling words" (1-317): Yay http://tfl.nu/y3ss
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (423)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.

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  (613): You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse. http://tfl.nu/8ufz
  Replies (4) Good night (788) Bad night (380)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

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  (585): Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump http://tfl.nu/n5lk
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.

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  (630): If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening. http://tfl.nu/shu6
  Replies (0) Good night (556) Bad night (302)

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