You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
