peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
