New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
