Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
