I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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