Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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