she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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