dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
