last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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