I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
