Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
