I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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