hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
