I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
