It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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