she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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