So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
