Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
try to milk me bitch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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