Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
