LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
