Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
