Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
