woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dick very happy bro
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
