After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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