I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
