I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
