On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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