Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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