In the future we'll all be gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
