went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
