I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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