In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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