i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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