my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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