i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My ass is underappreciated
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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