So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
