I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
