i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
