I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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