I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
