walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
