My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
