i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
