I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
