whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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