Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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