ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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