my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
