I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just google imaged poop.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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