I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
