did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
