i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
