I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
