im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
