I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
