You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
