My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize