She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
