I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
