Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
