The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
