alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
