Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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